Day 3: Eating My Feelings

As far as I'm concerned, there's no such think as non-emotional eating. As someone who loves food, entertaining, cooking, and sharing meals with loved ones, eating is pure joy for me.  Unfortunately, over the last 6 months, I've been doing more of the negative emotional eating.  Ya know... eating my feelings?  Yeah, it happens a lot.  Stressful days mean all night bitchfests with my roomie and almost always involve greasy takeout and bottles of wine.  Unsurprisingly, it's been a tough habit to break.

Today was crazy.  Busy and frustrating on its own , but naturally, it was also that time of the month so I was uber crampy and cranky.  I couldn't get to the gym at lunch, and I was way too tired/hungry to go after work, so I came straight home and to the fridge.  Normally I would run downstairs and order myself some delicious brick oven margherita pizza after having walked down the block to get a bottle of our favorite Malbec (the conveniences I enjoy living in NYC are delightful, but dangerous), but since I'm currently vegan and avoiding alcohol, such a scenario was not an option.  So I made one of my favorite snacks instead, and I'm pleasantly satisfied - avocado toast!  It's nothing new, and everyone has their own version.  Some prefer to add hot sauce or olive oil and cracked pepper, but I prefer the simplicity of just butter and salt.

Carolyn's Vegan Avocado Toast

- 2 slices of sprouted whole grain bread (I get Sprouted Bakehouse's 7 Grain from WF, and it's delish!)
- 1 ripe avocado
- sea salt
- Earth Balance

Toast the bread.  Mash the avocado.  Spread Earth Balance on toasted bread (this is KEY and enhances the taste factor tenfold - if you don't have Earth Balance, use salted butter) and cover with lots of mashed avocado.  Sprinkle with sea salt.  Enjoy!  It's absurdly simple and delectable.

Starting Over

{beautiful photo from here}

Last week did not go as planned in terms of the 21-day cleanse.  I knew I had a couple of meals that would have to be non-vegan, but I thought it would be okay.  It's not.  For me, it's an all or nothing type of thing, and one "mess-up" in my mind equaled total failure and a free-for-all pass to eat as much crap as possible in a 24-hour period.  Not good.  So I'm recommitting, and this time I'm doing it right.

I'm not just starting over my cleanse; I'm starting over on a whole lotta things in my life that need some spark.  My finances, my attention to wellness, and my BLOGGING.  Have I been the worst blogger ever or what?  The thing is, I realized today that I feel quite alone right now in so many of the things I'm working on (aka all the "me" stuff) because none of my friends really get it, ya know?  Self-awareness is one of those things that's rarely discussed, and the idea of better-ment, whether it be through a vegan diet or a break from alcohol, are not understood. 

When I first did my 21-day vegan kickstart last year, I started Vegan Tomato.  The support I got from the blogging community, even those who weren't vegan, was astounding.  I'm not going to reblog at Vegan Tomato (let's be honest, I can hardly handle one blog these days), but I do intend to spend more time here.  Whether you're listening or not, it definitely helps me to have a place to go to discuss these things that I value so highly, so I'm going to give it a try.  Surprisingly, getting back to a regular schedule of blogging is much more difficult than I anticipated.  So keep my accountable, okay?  Thanks.  :)

Bonjour, October

{photo from here}

J'adore October - it's finally starting to feel like Fall, which is by far my favorite time of year.  One of the things I love most about living in the northeast is that Fall actually exists.  I'm dreaming of hot, milky teas, cozy hoodies, leggings and boots, blazers and loads of knits.  October is a big month for me - I'm participating in Gabby Bernstein's October coaching in addition to Oprah's Life Class.  I'm going to D.C. for the National Conference to End Factory Farming (working the TranquiliT table avec Kimberly!).  I'm doing Kris Carr's 21-Day Cleanse (Day 1 is October 2  - blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol).  I'm pretty much declaring it Carolyn's Wellness Month, with a renewed focus on yours truly.  Below are some goals I jotted down this weekend.  What's on your list?

OCTOBER GOALS

1. Do the work - Gabby's coaching, Oprah's Life Class, and Kris' 21-Day Cleanse
2. Eat as vegan as possible (also avoiding coffee and alcohol)
3. Go to bed by 11-11:30 a.m.  Wake up at 7-7:30 a.m.
4. Gym - 5x/week
5. Lose 5 lbs
   

3-Day Weekends...

{image found Brenda Mullen}

,,, are heavenly, aren't they?  They just seem to go on forever, that is, until it's Monday afternoon, and you wonder what you did all weekend.  That's sort of the feeling I'm having, anyway.  I had an absolutely lovely afternoon tea at Lady Mendl's, which might be the most gorgeous tea salon I've ever seen.  It was exactly what afternoon tea should be, in my humble opinion.

I've yet to decide how I plan to spend the rest of my holiday, but I wanted to leave you with some quotes I've been pondering/enjoying lately.

"Faith is taking the first step, even if you can't see the whole staircase."

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself."

- Leonardo da Vinci

"Accepting oneself does not preclude an attempt to become better."

- Flannery O'Connor

"Happiness depends upon ourselves.  To live happily is an inward power of the soul."

- Marons Aurelius

"The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time."

- Bertrand Russell

"When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering."

- Miguez Ruiz

28

{image from weheartit}

I turn 28 on Thursday.

I'm a teensy bit nervous about it.

But I'm going to try and let the anxiety go.

Enjoy my day week.

And listen to John Lennon.

Rando

{image credit: here]

The week continues to be challenging, but guess what?  We're more than half-way through!  WOO HOO!  Checked off my list: bridesmaid dress fitting (not nearly as painful as I anticipated), 1 tedious project at work, birthday cards/prezzies shopping for special people (including my dad - I got him a Tumi wallet from Bloomies), and writing/mailing snail mail.  Still on my list?  Fun karaoke night with friends tomorrow night, massage Friday night and going to the post office to mail aforementioned prezzies (le sigh... dreading this one).

Here are some random things keeping me happy (and sane):

- Jane Borden on NPR Friday afternoon.  I just finished her memoir (North Carolina Southerner meets Brooklyn), and I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Even had a couple of LOL moments (on the subway - awwwkward).

- Had drinks with a friend at Bar Basque apres work yesterday, and they had some yummy drink with St. Germain, an elderflower liqueur.  I'm dying to get my hands on a bottle (and may just have to do just that this weekend).  Not only is it beautiful, but it's got such a great story.  I plan to make some of this when I get it.  (Ironically, I did not actually order the drink so I'm not really sure what it tastes like, but it can't possibly be bad... right?)

- Speaking of last night (and spending too much money on food and drink), I had a fantastic dinner at Scarpetta with my dear friend Stephanie.  Braised octopus, homemade pasta and one of the best bread baskets I've ever had... yummmm.

- Picked up this gem the other day and fully intend to visit some of these places (including a couple of free meditation centers).  Everyone in this city needs peace and quiet.

- Came across this quote today and found it most appropo of my mood this week:

"Tell everyone you know: "My happiness depends on me, so you're off the hook." And then demonstrate it. Be happy, no matter what they're doing. Practice feeling good, no matter what. And before you know it, you will not give anyone else responsibility for the way you feel-and then, you'll love them all. Because the only reason you don't love them, is because you're using them as your excuse to not feel good."

- Esther Hicks, is a best-selling author and motivational speaker.

P.S.

Merci

 {image credit: here}

I had quite a rough Monday (that time of the month, challenging coworkers, workplace drama, etc.) and found myself sipping wine, shedding tears and feeling quite uncheerupable (yep, that's a word).  But then I remembered that I printed my own Fancy Nancy Do Not Disturb sign and busted out the colored pencils, construction paper and glitter glue and made my sign extra special.  Eager for the glitter glue to dry so I can slap it on my door and see how my roomies react.

Then I picked up the phone and called my Mom whilst decorating the pages of my filofax avec stickers and sparkly gel pens, and well, Momma Park always knows just what to say to snap me out of my sulky, self-absorbed mood.  15 minutes later, and I'm feeling loads better.

And then I got a super sweet tweet and then a lovely email from fellow friends and readers of this blog, and suddenly I'm not only feeling better, but my heart is bursting with all kinds of warm and fuzzies.  I can't thank you guys enough for always being there, despite my absence, despite my moments of... Carolyn-ness.  I love that you love me for me and that I never have to pretend to be anyone else.

A big fat, gorgeous MERCI to all of you!

P.S. I'm 99% sure that my less-than-stellar mood also has to do with the fact that I'm turning 28 next week.  I've never once cared about getting older until now... what gives?