Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Comfort in Solitude

My mother has taken to calling me almost daily, asking "Are you ok? Do you like work? Are you lonely??" My reponse: "Yes i'm fine, Mommy. Work is fine, too. And no, for the 100th time, i'm not lonely." In fact, the opposite is true - i am loving my "me" time, relishing every savory moment of it. I crave that time, especially after spending all day in the office. My evenings are full of quiet dinners, journal-writing, internet surfing, book-reading, music, and catching up on my HTC podcasts. I have no real desire to go out, party, or drink. I do enjoy going out for a nice dinner or movie with a friend, but i'm also perfectly content with spending my evenings in bed with Puffin, a good book, and a hot cup of tea.

That being said, there is one place that i rather dislike being alone, and that's at the office. What is it about being stuck in front of a computer and a big lonely desk that i just can't stand? My first few weeks have been so busy and new that i never really had that much time alone in my office. That and i had an office-mate for a little while, and that helped break the silence. But now that it's just me in that big ole office, at that big ole desk, sometimes i just want to scream. I officially entered the "I CANNOT HAVE A JOB WHERE I SIT AT A DESK FOR SEVERAL HOURS A DAY" zone this week. It was bound to happen sooner or later, no matter how much i enjoy the firm. Oi vey. I have made some serious effort into improving the state of my office. After my office-mate moved out, the firm had the extra furniture removed, and my furniture rearranged "per [my] preferences." Now i have ample space, my ginormous desk faces the door, i have two huge windows directly behind me, and it's nice. I've tried my best at making my office a happy place... Colorful pens and file folders, framed pictures of my family and my Puffin (don't hate!), lavender scent sticks, a bright green pen holder, my huge bottle of ALIVE! vitamins... Still the office is pretty boring. If i were to ever become a partner in a law firm, the very first thing i would do is paint the walls pink. That's a promise, my friends.

I'm going to Dallas this weekend to visit the parentals, and i'm tres excited! I have wild plans of sleeping with Mummy and Puffin in her big, comfy king-sized bed, reading into the wee hours of the night, eating delicious Korean food, SHOPPING at the oh-so-fabulous Dallas malls, and trying out yogasport, a flow studio on Lemmon Avenue. One of the teachers there visisted Breath & Body (my studio of choice here in Austin) and guest-taught a class, and she was amaaazing. So i'm going to try to take her class Saturday morning in Dallas. Yay!

I stopped by BookPeople tonight on the way to "First Wednesday Prayer" (to be discussed below) and picked up a book entitled, "WORLDCHANGING: A User's Guide for the 21st Century." It was a book that piqued my interest after having read a review of it in a magazine some months ago. Well, BookPeople is having a great sale, and certain items were 50% off, and surprise surprise, this book happened to be one of them! So i picked up this rather large and heavy book for half-off. Don't you just love sales?

So First Wednesday... Well this is my first, and i'm not sure what i was looking to get out of it, but it certainly didn't deliver. I guess i had hoped for a lot of what i discussed above - comfort, quiet, and solitude in a group of bodies all conversing with God. A little worship here and there, communion... you know. Instead i got a small room full of loud, annoyingly chatty people who couldn't even shut-up when the leader asked everyone to sit and prepare. Then we broke into small groups of 3-5 people and "prayed together" after each of the leader's 4 prayer prompts. It was awkward to say the least. I think i would've gotten more out of group prayer if i had actually known the people i was praying with/for and if the leader wouldn't have kept interrupting us. I hate to sound so negative about an experience that is probably very beautiful for most, but it just wasn't what i expected. I won't be rash enough to say that i'll never return, but i think it's safe to say that i won't be going back until i can bring a friend along with me.

Speaking of religion, one of my favorite partners at the firm took me out for a coffee break this afternoon, and we got into a deep conversation, that lasted well over an hour, about love, relationships, marriage, religion, and even the love of my life, Chris Tomlin. It reminded me that lawyers, even successful partners, are human and can often be very, very cool. Well... maybe that's just Austin lawyers. ;-)

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