Friday Funday

I just watched what i think will be the series finale of Lipstick Jungle and yes, i cried. Sigh it's been a long week, and wondering where i'll get my Victory Ford/Lindsay Price fix just adds to it. But not all is down in my world - I just had quite a revelation. A new deal I've been working on this week is going to force me into the office tomorrow, on a Saturday, a Saturday i must say that i've been looking forward to for a long time. But it's no big deal. In fact, i offered to come in, and i'm genuinely happy to do it. Wha?? This is so not a Carolyn-esque reaction, but it's for real. Anyway the point is, the fact that i'm totally fine with going to work on a Saturday made me really happy. Backwards? Yes. Wonderful in that life lesson/i'mgrowingup/wowhowmature kind of way? Absolutely.

"We Need to Talk"

One of my goals for 2009 was to create some distance between me and my family when it came to finances and my lifestyle in general. We've always been such a close-knit family, but the fact that my attitudes and opinions on certain things have been so drastically different from the rest of the clan has always been a source of contention. I've said it before and I'll say it again - sometimes I'm the only one who knows what's best for me. I tried to have two mature and rational conversations tonight that inevitably ended in disaster. The guilt of hurting my mother has literally eaten away at me for my entire life. Guilt in general, actually. And the fear of always not being good enough? That's toxic, too. I love my family more than anything, but I think we need a break. You know how a relationship can be, for the most part, really good but there's that one big issue that the two of you just can't seem to compromise? I'm not sure that we'll ever get there, but I'm also not sure that our relationship will recover the way it used to. I'm not sure I can recover anymore. I'm grateful that I have such a wonderful, loving family, I truly am. But they have the capability of bringing me down soooo low that it's become really unhealthy. We need a break.

It's the Little Things...

Bonjour, dear friends. I must say, regularly blogging again feels so nice. It's so therapeutic for me, and I hope a little entertaining for you. ;-)

Last night I was returning some things to the mall (i swear, returning is almost as much fun as buying), and i passed one of those big calendar kiosks. Everything is 50% now and so naturally, i had to stop and peruse. There wasn't too much to buy, but i found myself drawn to the High School Musical 3 calendars... The thing is, i don't hang calendars in my apartment anymore b/c i realize that (1) they don't go with my decor and (2) i NEVER look at them. But now... i have an office! The question is: do i dare hang an HSM3 calendar in my office? And the answer my friends is... oui! I bought the mini one, and it's hanging right by my computer monitor, really not visible at all to any partner that may stop in to chat. Anyway i'm positively giddy about it! :-) It's the little things in life that make it brighter.

*Simplicity*

The lovely Kimberly Wilson asks, "What's your word for 2009?" It came to be so easily: SIMPLICITY. I want to simplify my life emotionally, physically, environmentally, socially, etc. Life doesn't need to be more complicated. It seems the more complicated I make it, the less I thrive. Once upon a time I loved busyness, a million balls in the air, and every minute of my time scheduled. These days I crave the quiet - it refuels me. So while I may have, like, 30 New Year's Resolutions, my overall theme for 2009 is to simplify.

Today I spent time with two very inspiring women: Oprah and Kimberly Wilson. Today was the first of Oprah's Best Life Week and focused on falling off the wagon and the war against weight. Obvi this topic speaks to me on many levels, but the one thing that's been on my mind is Oprah's statement that one's problem with her weight is not about food, it's about love. It's a LOVE issue, she says. You NEED TO LOVE YOURSELF, she says. Do I love myself? I haven't tackled this issue in awhile, and I definitely want to spend some time reflecting on it.

Kimberly held her "New Year, New You!" le chic teleclass chat tonight, and I loved it. She gave me some great ideas for adding some zen and zest into 2009 and inspired me to start doing my morning pages... in the morning! Morning pages are Julia Cameron's concept of writing 3 pages of whatever's on your mind first thing in the morning. These days my morning pages have been more like afternoon pages, evening pages, at work pages... And while that's all good and well, there's something to be said about getting your pen to the paper first thing in the morning. Problem is - that means I need to wake up earlier. My goal is to start tomorrow, but tomorrow is Tuesday which is the morning I work out with Deb, which means I have to wake up super early anyway, and well, it's going to be hard. So with that, I'm going to say au revoir and try to catch as many zzz's as possible!

xoxo

2008 In Review

1. Got my precious pup - Lola!
2. (Somehow) graduated law school
3. Took and passed the BAR
4. Fully furnished, painted and decorated my apartment on my own
5. Started my first, real, full-time job
6. Got back on the workout wagon and began training with Deb (yay!)
7. Spent 2 wonderful weeks in the south of France, Paris, and London
8. Bought my first car (Friday - woo!)
9. Got into my first real accident (New Year's Eve - not woo at all)
10. Turned 25.

These past few weeks have been a blur of the Holidays, loving work, hating work, loving life, hating life, eating, rearranging, car research, and loads and loads of stress and frustration. But just in time for the New Year, it seems that things are falling back into place. Call it a quarter-life crisis, call it what you will, I've been out of sorts lately. But I'm determined to make 2009 fabulous, and I'm determined to start NOW.

This morning I went to yoga for the first time in over a month, and it was divine. Getting back to yoga, focusing on my breath, and turning within is KEY to my 2009 life makeover. This afternoon I met a dear friend for chai lattes and loads of 2008 reflection and 2009 goal-setting. Afterwards we hit up Central Market to get fresh veggies to aid in our 2009 resolutions to cook more and eat whole. Tonight I cooked myself a simple but delicious dinner of whole wheat pasta with a meaty tomato sauce and roasted brussels sprouts. And now I'm tucked into my recently decluttered bedroom (though a tad bit messy right now, i must say..) with my darling Lola curled up and sleeping at my side. For once I'm not totally dreading going to work tomorrow because hey, at least I get to drive my new ride! ('06 Acura TL in case you're wondering)

This week's plans include morning pages, regular workouts, daily prayer, seeing Marley & Me, funtimes with friends, staying busy at work, lots more cooking and as much ME time as I can squeeze in. Here's to 2009 - cheers!

@$#!%!!!

To say i'm in a bad mood would be... an understatement. I've been in what you might call a "bad mood" for quite some time now (like.. maybe the last month?), and as the new year approaches, i really really want to do something about it. The thing is, i don't know what the hell my problem is. Nothing in my life is particularly bad, and sure there are annoyances here and there, but what else is new? Yet i feel more unable than ever to cope with remotely stressful or frustrating situations, and i always break down in petit fits of rage (imagine screaming and some throwing of things) and tears (bit fat ones... oh and sobbing). Like right now? I'm so OVER car shopping it's unreal.. car shopping AND dealing with my Father when it comes to car shopping. Was it my decision to get a new car RIGHT Now? No, it wasn't. I made the mature decision to wait awhile until I felt more financially comfortable. In the end, am I glad that i'm getting a new car (more importantly, one with a working CD player?)? Mais bien sur, who doesn't want a new car. But i hate, hate, HATE the process and just wish someone would tell me where to sign so i can get the whole thing over with.

Another thing, i can't find my bluetooth headset ANYMORE, and i have a feeling my mischievous (read: mother f*cking) pets got ahold of it, and it's now either in Lola's stomach or somewhere I'll never find it. WHY pets, WHY? Do I not give you everything you so desire? And while we're on the topic of pets, my darling little pup has decided that she's 1 month old again and has urinated and defecated all OVER my apartment. Why? Is she not going out at regular intervals? Of course she is! Clearly I must be giving her too much food and water b/c the skinny little mongrel can't seem to KEEP IT IN.

Do you see what i mean? I'm angry at my pets for doing normal pet things. I'm angry because I "have" to buy a new car. I'm angry because i have parents who care. I just want to go away to a quiet, serene and private place and figure out what the problem is because this cannot continue. This "mood" has affected my diet, my energy, my work ethic, my relationships, and my general... aura. I'm not a positive person to be around these days so I don't blame people for wanting to stay away. By the same token, I don't want to be around most people! (See above.)

Well a lack of sleep certainly won't help the situation, and since I have to wake up and work out with D tomorrow morning, i'm going to try to pass out. I'd bet a shot of tequila would help.

Team Edward

First and foremost I'd like to apologize for my pathetic lack of blogging. Adjusting to work life is WAY harder than i had anticipated... and i hate to admit it, but i'm still not there. In fact, i'm sort of hating the fact that my day-to-day has been reduced to a desk job. Don't get me wrong, i'm INCREDIBLY grateful that i have such a wonderful job in such a tough economy. Listening to Morning Edition on NPR every morning and getting my rather depressing NYTimes updates keeps me grateful. I am. Thankful. Very. BUT, part of me sort of wishes i could go back to college for a little bit. Even law school (post first year, that is). Because then, if i wanted to, i could sit on my couch with Lola and read the Twilight series over and over and over... And i could listen to the new Britney album as LOUD as i want. And i could google Zac Efron and download HSM songs. (Did i mention that i've become a tween lately? That's right. I love High School Musical, Britney (but let's be honest, i've ALWAYS loved Britney), and yes, i've jumped on the Twilight bandwagon.)

Breathe. I need to breathe. Twilight and the world of Bella Swan and Edward Cullen (and yes, OK, Jacob too) has sucked me in faster and harder than i thought possible. No WONDER everyone is in hysterics over this damn series. It's A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. Stephenie Meyer, you are a GENIUS. Never before have i become so ridiculously emotionally attached to fictional characters. And i've always been a fast reader, but i've literally been swallowing these books whole. I read the first in the series, Twilight, over Thanksgiving weekend. New Moon I got through Sunday night. Eclipse I read Monday night, and yes, i just spent my lunch break driving to Target to get a copy of Breaking Dawn (one of the last 3!). I. Am. Obsessed. And i am Team Edward ALL the way. I want me an Edward Cullen more than anything right now, yes even more than real live human man. I think i've developed a penchant for very pale boys.. ahem men.

And no, i have not seen the movie. That's tomorrow night. I know i'll be disappointed but i don't care. I want as much Twilight as possible. And i'll probably see it again. And again. I have a problem.

Um, in other news, looks like i'll be getting a new car sooner than i thought. It's definitely not my choice (as i had made the very responsible decision to wait since i had a perfectly capable, PAID OFF car in my possession), but i gotta do it. Once upon a time i would've loved an excuse to buy a gorgeous new luxury vehicle, but the reality of debt and this financial crisis are taking its toll (yes, even on moi). So i'm looking into 1 or 2-year old cars... maybe an Acura TSX or TL, maybe a Lexus, maybe a 3-Series? I don't know. Maybe even a Prius if i can get my hands on a 2010. I'm so not looking forward to visiting car dealerships (and dealing with creepy, craptastic car salesmen), esp. since i have no Edward Cullen to ensure that i don't get taken advantage of. Notes to self: do your research and don't say "like". Emphasize the ATTORNEY occupation. Don't wear pink.