Thursday, January 15, 2009

"We Need to Talk"

One of my goals for 2009 was to create some distance between me and my family when it came to finances and my lifestyle in general. We've always been such a close-knit family, but the fact that my attitudes and opinions on certain things have been so drastically different from the rest of the clan has always been a source of contention. I've said it before and I'll say it again - sometimes I'm the only one who knows what's best for me. I tried to have two mature and rational conversations tonight that inevitably ended in disaster. The guilt of hurting my mother has literally eaten away at me for my entire life. Guilt in general, actually. And the fear of always not being good enough? That's toxic, too. I love my family more than anything, but I think we need a break. You know how a relationship can be, for the most part, really good but there's that one big issue that the two of you just can't seem to compromise? I'm not sure that we'll ever get there, but I'm also not sure that our relationship will recover the way it used to. I'm not sure I can recover anymore. I'm grateful that I have such a wonderful, loving family, I truly am. But they have the capability of bringing me down soooo low that it's become really unhealthy. We need a break.

No comments: