Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Life Post-Bar

Hello, dear friends. I've been super lazy getting back on the blog train, as you can see, but i just wanted to say that life post-bar is just as sweet as it sounds. Unfortunately for me, life's challenges never cease. The morning after the last day of the Bar, i slept in, reveled in that glowing feeling that i'm only waking up b/c i WANT to, not b/c i HAVE to, and then strolled into the living room to turn on my macbook and start planning my Bar Trip. Huh. My screen was frozen when i got to it... weird. I just rebooted. Oh. And then. It refused to reboot, simply defaulted to a blank screen with a flashing file folder in the center, with a big question mark in the middle. NEVER a good sign. Don't panic, just reboot once more. No dice. So i proceeded to make an appt with the Apple store (of course nothing was available that day) and then pulled out my "ancient" Dell laptop. Ugh PC's... i abhor them, although my hard drive never crashed when i had a PC. Did some online research to discover that flashing file folder with question mark is a bad sign. Great. Talked to Jenny who experienced a hard drive failure some months ago, and she confirmed. Still i remained optimistic. Took my laptop to Apple the next day and sure enough, the moment i said the words "flashing file folder" and saw the look on her face, i knew it was all over. Sigh. Well what are my options? I was three weeks out of warranty but lucky for me, Apple does have some semblance of customer service (unlike Dell) and she said they'd cover a new hard drive. BUT if i wanted to recover any of my data (umm... thousands and thousands of songs and pictures documenting the last 7 years of my life? yes please!) i'd have to take it to a third party before delivering it to Apple. Because they keep the bad hard drive. Of course, let's make this as drawn out as possible. Worse yet, it was Saturday which meant that i couldn't even contact this third party data recovery specialist until Monday. UGH. By the time Monday morning arrived, i was feeling optimistic. Sure i'd have to pay about $400 to recover my hard drive, but it's worth it, and i guess this is how people learn that you really must BACK UP. Have i learned nothing from Sex and the City? So I breathed, rebooted, and presented my macbook to the guy with a smile that asked, "please please good sir, fix this so i can get on with my post-bar festivities". A few hours later he called. Bad news.... can't recover... did everything we could... just can't. I felt like someone died, and then i realized someone DID die. My music? My pictures? That's my life! Sad to say that the music is the part that really killed me, more so than the pictures. After hanging up, I proceeded to curl myself into a ball on the couch and cry. I mourned for most the afternoon. It was not pretty. Pas amusant.

So here i am, typing on a practically new macbook (macbook 1.2), still mourning the loss of my first (macbook 1.1). I know this was the best possible time for such a disaster to occur, and i am thankful that it didn't happen in the midst of finals or pre-bar exam. I don't think i was emotionally stable enough to handle any sort of disaster. But it still sucks. So i've been busy dealing with that whole situation and getting ready for my birthday trip to California. I leave tomorrow!! I'm very much looking forward to a weekend in San Francisco with my dearest sister and our two pups. I hope to accomplish a lot of journal writing, book reading, self-reflecting and goal setting during this trip. Did i mention that my 25th birthday is on Monday? TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD!!! I know it's still so young, it's just hard to believe. Dear Quarter Life Crisis, i'm so not ready for you.

Oh and um, did i mention that i'm totally depressed b/c i'm fat, and i completely blame law school for that unfortunate state of being? Yeah. Now that the Bar is over and school is over, i am finally facing the music. And it ain't good. I worked out with Deb for the first time in a month on Monday and got a brutal wake up call. No matter how much i work out and get in shape physically, nothing's going to happen to my body until i change my diet. Yuck. DIET. I hate that word and the leading role it used to play in my life. So the reality is... i can either choose to eat for pleasure and experiment and enjoy this and that and be fat b/c that's just how my body enjoys being OR i can eat for fuel, make some sacrifices and set some limits and hopefully shed some of this grossness. This is not an easy choice, but how i've been feeling these days leaves me no option. i'm not ready to give up on my body so i guess eating for pleasure is part of the past. That's not to say that i'm going to count calories and eat nothing but kale and bland grilled chicken. But my body refuses to become smaller, even if i'm eating what's considered "normal" to a lay person. Blah i am so not looking forward to this, and my bitterness at those who can still eat macaroni and cheese and ice cream and stay slim is rearing its ugly head. You mean i have to kick my ass in the gym AND eat a lettuce-based diet in order to achieve my former figure? Shit.


Pink Heels said...

First, have your thyroid levels checked (simple blood work) to make sure it isn't something more serious.

Second, buy "The Writing Diet" book by Julie Cameron.

Third, buy a journal to accompany the exercises in the book.

Good Luck!

City Girl said...

OMG -- pink heels took the words out of my mouth --

I was going to write "maybe get a full check-up (thyroid, hormone levels etc).

Then I was going to write "Buy 'the writing diet', but ignore the line in the book that says chocolate is the devil's food"

And "journaling always helps me"

Clearly, pink heels was more eloquent than me.

Carolyn, hang in there and remember that things get better after law school. I put on about 20 pounds in the later part of law school so I hear what you are talking about. Whenever I think of law school I have a mini rant (check out today's post on my blog, you'll see :P) -- but it does get better after this.


Pink Heels said...

I love it when great minds think alike! : )