Saturday, July 10, 2010

Homesick (or just PMS)

{an old pic of Lola et moi napping on my Mom's bed}

It's been a rough/weird few days. As I was unpacking the two Fed Ex boxes my Mom sent me (thanks, Mom!!!) on Friday afternoon, I found myself suddenly in tears and very much missing home. But what is home? Do I miss Dallas? Uh, NO. Do I miss proximity to my parents? Yes. Do I miss Austin? Sort of... but it's not just the city I'm missing, it's aspects of my former life, the life that I had in Austin. I miss long summer afternoon naps with Lola. I miss having my own kitchen, my own living space, my own home. I miss being able to hop in the car on a fiercely hot day and blast the A/C. I miss being able to walk five steps to get to the nearest pool. I miss making my own iced tea (can't make any here b/c, of course, we don't have a pitcher!). I miss hitting up Sonic (yes, the drive-thru) and getting frosty summer beverages. I miss knowing where to go for the best highlights & haircut, pedicure, facial, and massage. (I miss being able to afford highlights, facials and massages...) And I miss Hobby Lobby! I'm just feeling un peu homesick.

Also? I checked the calendar and sure enough, it's about to be that time of the month. Like clockwork, my hormones are out of whack and I find myself strangely emotional, a little sad, and way out of control with the tears. Also? I am SO sick of this weather. When it's 90+ degrees and HUMID as HELL, there is nothing I enjoy less than having to walk around this damn city. Don't get me wrong, I still love the city, but I abhor this ridiculously steamy summer. I can't wait for Fall.

But then I think back to why I wanted so badly to move here in the first place, and I remember all the things about my former life that I don't miss. I don't miss my former job and waking up every morning and absolutely dreading going into the office. I don't miss the mundane day-to-day of my life in Austin. I don't miss being in TX. I don't miss the lack of diversity, good Korean food and culture. I don't miss staying in instead of going out and socializing b/c I was so bored of what "going out" in Austin meant. I don't miss not feeling the joie de vivre that I've since rediscovered in myself since moving to this vibrant, 24 hrs/day city.

So I guess... things aren't so bad. I just really can't wait for this time of the month to be over. (And for the weather to cool down.)


Crystal said...

Aww don't cry! I know some days can be harder than others but I know in your heart you made the right decision and so the all the great experiences you've been having will outweigh the homesick/bad feelings in the end. I heard the humidity is HELL right now there -- I can't imagine how bad DC is! I can't stand soupy weather, but hang in there. You'll be visiting CA soon enough! :)

Vanessa said...

Homesickness is the worst! I've been gone for 4 1/2 years now and I still get homesick. Even though there are so many things I love about my current situation, home is never something you can stop missing. And yeah, East Coast summers are the worst, but just think of it this way: what follows in the fall in the North East is Mother Nature's way of saying "I'm sorry about that." I miss fall there so much, every single year...
Feel better!

TheAnalyst said...

I think this feeling is inevitable after moving. I feel homesick for PA still, even though I often complained of being "bored" there as well.

I say blame it on the humidity, just because we can. I know Austin temps are ungodly high in the summer, I suspect Austin doesn't have this disgusting humidity.

I'm glad you are still enjoying your experience, even after some bumps.

MoneyMaus said...

I know exactly how you feel! And I can't stand those PMS/homesick days, either. I'm from Seattle & have been in CA for 6 years now, since I came here for college. But more than homesickness, I get lonely because 90% of my friends live in other states. But don't worry, I can tell you're LOVING NYC & I'm so jealous! Even with the crazy heat, the city is still my favorite place in the entire world :) Enjoy!

FB @ said...

Look, even if you end up going back, it isn't a failure.

I think that the decision you made will ALWAYS be a positive one. You will look back and think: Thank goodness I did that.

I agree with living in a city with more ethnic diversity. I'm worried about moving to Dallas for that reason :P Hopefully others will pave the way before I get there

Kirsten said...

I know how you feel! I remember when I lived in Northern California how homesick I felt when I would call my parents and they were off doing things with my uncle, sister and grandma - it made me feel like I wanted to be there too.

I know I will feel this way again soon when I move to Portland and it will likely be worse since I have really enjoyed living close to my family for so long. But, I know that this move is the right thing for me to do, even if it will be hard at times.

I always remind myself that I can always move back if I want to.

The Jazzy Olive said...

Aww hang in there! Packages sent from mom are always bittersweet -- they make you happy bc she sent it to you (even if it is just a box of your own belongings!) but at the same time it makes you realize HOW FAR away you are and makes you miss home a lot more than you did before you got the package. It takes awhile to adjust but eventually you get used to it! Hang in there and check out my blog sometime if you haven't! ( I just made the change to vegetarianism/veganism maybe and I've been getting a lot of tips from your other blog. :)