Monday, May 4, 2009

Tears then a Fort

Quel weekend!

Saturday night i had a bit of a breakdown once i realized i couldn't swing the DC trip in June. A little background info: no doubt you've noticed me blogging about Kimberly Wilson a number of times. I could list all the reasons she's the most incredible woman i've ever met (aside from my dear mother), but for the interest of time (and your attention span), let's just say that she changed my life. Simple as that. These days i'm lucky enough to call her a friend and been fortunate enough to attend two of her retreats - a week in Costa Rica in September 2007 and a weekend in upstate New York in March 2008.

Lately i've noticed my priorities getting out of whack and some unhealthy habits rearing their ugly heads. Wanting to "retreat" in every sense of the word, i considered the Texas Yoga Retreat being held at an ashram right outside of Austin. How perfect, no? A weekend of educational modules, oodles of yoga, healthy vegetarian eating, and ample time for reflection. But once i crunched all the numbers, i realized that my weekend in Austin would cost me more than dashing off to D.C. for Kimberly's Summer Solstice Staycation. Given the choice of spending 2 1/2 days retreating in Texas vs. spending one day with Kimberly in D.C., well, I choose D.C. and Kimberly. So i got all excited, looking up flights, making plans to stay with a dear friend, and was even going to leave Friday after work so i wouldn't have to take any time off (which also meant i'd basically only have Sat/Sun to play). It wasn't until later that evening when i realized what i was trying to do. Spend $400+ for 2 days in DC? 7 hours with my #1 Girl Crush/mentor/inspiration? She's worth every penny, no doubt, but i'm in no position to be so fiscally irresponsible. Reality hit and ow, it hurt. Maybe a year ago i would've spent this money without a second thought, but now that i'm finally financially independent and trying my darnest to save and get out of debt and be an adult, well, i just couldn't justify it.

Naturally after making this very mature/adult-like decision, i broke down in breathless, hiccupy tears just as i used to when i was about 4 years old and didn't get my way. Lola, being the sweet SWEET doll that she is, immediately perked up at the sound of my sobs and insisted on perching next to me in bed, frantically licking my tears away and nuzzling my neck. I decided right then and there to stop feeling sorry for myself and instread, pulled out some comforters and sheets and built myself a fort (easy to do considering i have a canopy bed - making it tres suitable for draping). Inside the fort i brought: Lola, a cup of tea, yummy snacks, my hot pink macbook, my copy of Hip Tranquil Chick, journal, colored pens, and lots of pillows. And that's where i spent the next 15 hours.






And then i woke up Sunday morning (okay, maybe closer to afternoon) in a much better mood. Made myself a cup of iced coffee to celebrate. Spent my Sunday doing laundry, cleaning, catching up on episodes of Gossip Girl (SO good these days, n'est ce pas??), Whole Foods-ing, and cooking a chicken enchilada casserole (stay tuned for recipe and pics).



How was your weekend?

14 comments:

Lauren said...

Hi,

I found your blog via Kimberly's. It seems like Kimberly and the Tranquil Space crew are pretty good at changing most people's lives!

Just wanted to leave you a note to let you know I really enjoy reading your blog!

Lauren

http://everydayrevelry.blogspot.com/

Noodlegirl said...

Girl you will be fine!!! God knows I only know how you feel! Lets put it this way even if you think you had a shitty weekend mine has been shitty since last August! I moved to Oregon and still made no friends lol! Its not as bad as it sounds but gosh I do miss hanging out with friends.

Melita said...

i am really sorry i won't get to meet you in dc this june. but never fear, we will meet sometime, and i know it will be great.

you made the right decision. sometimes we have to make really hard decisions going against what we really want. it's never easy, but in the end, it's the right thing to do at the time.

i will take my camera and try to get many pics and OF COURSE i will blog about it when i get back :)

have a great monday!! hugs!!

kimberly wilson said...

OMG, Carolyn. You're too cute. Heart the drama!

Save the journey for something even more exotic where you'll be able to dive deeper. The one-day retreat is fun, but I know you, you'll savor every last moment and at least a few days for travel and reflection will make it even more special! Your visit to DC last fall was so fun and I miss your juicy couture-knee-sock-wearing-rockstar-collaging self.

Beau, pug, and moi look forward to our next retreat/reunion! xoxo

Globetrotting Cacti said...

Hugs to you - glad that you are feeling brighter now...

Revisionista said...

loved how you recovered from saturday & ended up having a tranquil sunday. i'll have to remember to build a fort with goodies & kitties the next time i feel blue about being in the middle of nowhere usa & not living in an apartment in paris.

City Girl said...

First -what everyone said above is so true.

Second - grown-up decisions can be a real PITA. It's like, you know you're doing the right thing, but it doesn't always feel good right away.

Third - I know I live in DC now, and I really should go to Tranquilspace more (my hours at work get in the way) but the way I see it, it's about building your tranquil space within, You are doing such a good job at that. Love the idea of the fort with the goodies and Lola and HTC and the journal. When I lived in NYC and couldn't find a yoga studio and a community like Tranquilspace, it finally hit me that intead of running myself ragged and going to all these yoga studios, none of which were near my apartment in Brooklyn, it was just better to focus on the feeling of tranquility because that was not based on where I lived or what yoga class I went to or what workshop I could or couldn't go to and all that.

A big hug - growing up can hurt, but the nice part is that you are autonomous - isn't that wonderful?!?!?

Noodlegirl said...

Carolyn lol I didn't make that cake I am not that good heheheh it ws store bought $3.99 that was my weekend you see thats what I do now here ahhhhh I can't wait to go back to Hawaii I maybe dead broke but I will have good weather at least!

Carolyn said...

You guys are the best!! Merci for all the kind words

Bonjour Madame said...

Good for you for creating your own retreat. It sounds like it was perfect!

chicknamedhermia said...

Awh I'm glad you managed to make yourself feel better ....it seems silly, but sometimes when the one thing you've been depending is taken away from you, it's tough not to throw a fit and regress to school-yard tantrums!
Well done you, Miss!

diana said...

Found your blog via Kimberly's and love it!
Sorry about the June trip. I too, credit Kimberly and her book for changing my life when it truly needing changing - she is just so wonderful! I once called Tranquil Space got info for a retreat, started making plans, arranging time off, etc. and did the same thing you did. I realized how much I was going to spend and that I could not afford it. It is such a bummer to realize that you can't do what your hear desires but your bed time and Sunday afternoon sound divine - a great way to ooze yourself back into the 'real' world.
Have a great week - and may you realize that your yoga and creativity are there when you need.

Caitlin said...

Miss Kimberly has altered ma vie in the most immeasurable way. Hope you get to DC soon! I'm from Pa but have been pondering a trip to Tranquil Space for some time now (since I've discovered HTC a bit over a year ago) However, school and life tends to "eff" up the most glorious of plans. Let's keep our fingers crossed!

Lynne from NY said...

I'm sure Lola was in Heaven! Hugs across the miles and hope things are better this week..........