Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Dat 27... Dilation

Today was a Monday in every sense of the word. And apparently Monday's when you're not working at a soul-sucking desk job can be just as bad as those Monday's when you were. My day started late, as I was unable to fall asleep AGAIN until the wee hours of the morning. After doing some work on the macbook, I headed out for my eye doctor's appointment and was immediately hit with the most sweltering, swampy heat ever. I immediately regretted my outfit of pinks shorts and a drapey tee and wished I had worn my skimpiest bikini instead. By the time I got to my dear doctor's office, I was disgusting and literally had to pat myself down with paper towels so as to not disgust everyone around me.

Then my oh-so-pleasant eye doctor (who was really nice, but a typical NY style know-it-all jerk with little patience who dissed TX and then told me what lawyers should know how to do) proceeded to do all kinds of things to my eyes and put what felt like 100 drops of various who-knows-what onto my eyeballs (and in the process tugged repeatedly at the delicate skin under my eye which DON'T YOU KNOW DOCTOR IS THE SKIN THAT AGES ON WOMEN THE FASTEST???). An hour later I left with sore eyes, wrinkles and a complete lack of clear vision.

Naturally it started raining as I walked home. Once I got home, I discovered that I had missed the UPS guy who was delivering my new blender. And then I came back to my computer to realize that I completely suck at finding a job. I can't even write a good cover letter, for crying out loud, and then I really REALLY felt stupid and my eyes hurt and I couldn't see a damn thing and I was rude to my sister who is just trying to help me but clearly thinks i'm a slacking idiot and I ordered fried food to comfort me but it just made me violently ill and I just wanted to give up and crawl into a hole for a long, long time. So I turned off all the lights, pulled the shades, lit a candle, blasted the A/C, and covered my eyes for the next couple of hours.

And now I can see, but I'm still feeling incredibly ... stupid. What happened to me? What happened to my abilities? Law school is what happened. And being a lawyer. It destroyed my ability to write/think/act in a NON-legal (and therefore creative and interesting) manner, and now I feel like I am no more prepared to find a job than any bright-eyed and bushy-tailed 22-year old college graduate who likely does NOT have a mountain of student loan debt.

Sigh.

I'm just having a bad day. Mondays suck. Hope yours was better.

4 comments:

Heather Burlew said...

Let's start with you. You are gorgeous and write one of the best, funniest blogs out there. Additionally, you are human, and therefore, like the rest of us, bound to have crappy days. This is part of why your blog is so good. Your honesty in confronting issues and perceived failings is an asset! You are so creative and fab, I know you will find a job soon. Law school gives you skills that compliment your creativity, not negate it. Go have a cool drink and find an eyeshade like Audrey Hepburn wears in "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Don your eyeshade, blast the AC and call it a day. Tomorrow looks better, I promise.

Leslie said...

Isn't it so hard to stay positive when looking for a job? I have never questioned myself more then when I was job hunting. Every single rejection became uber personal. Are you getting a lot of "well why did you go to law school then?" (I tried to look for a non-legal job for a while...) Job hunting is hard, there is no question about that but...

You just made the most courageous decision ever to move to NYC! Trust that if you can do that, you certainly can find a great job! Hope today is better than yesterday was!

Carolyn said...

Heather - WOW. Thank you thank you thank you! It's so nice to hear that my honesty is appreciated. Sometimes I think I ought to lighten things up and sugarcoat more of my posts, but that wouldn't be me, would it? Thank you for your support. xoxo

Leslie - Today was DEF. better than yesterday! I just need to stay positive about finding a new non-legal job. I know it's out there somewhere! xoxo

Rachel said...

Girly, I hope you recovered from this feeling quickly. Cause you ROCK. seriously. and you can write. you might not think you can, but you definitely can. Your blog is so well written. It MUST come through in your resume and cover letters. Must. I'm sure of it!